Why on earth am I doing this?

'Why am I doing this' you might well ask, and it's something I will often ask myself as I get into the swing of preparing to be away from the UK for about 11 months.

I first saw one of the 70 ft Clipper yachts in St Katharine's Docks in January 2013 before it set off in the 13-14 race.  A basic racing boat with few home comforts.  My sister has a friend who raced in the 11-12 race and the reports back enticed me to go along and see one of the boats and talk to Clipper staff about the possibility of joining the race in 2015.

Roll forward a couple of months and I attended a talk by someone who had completed a circumnavigation in '11-12.  The reality of what it would involve hit and I decided that it wasn't for me.  Maybe I might do a 'leg' but then I could spend that money on lots of smaller holidays and adventures.  The idea was 'put to bed'.

During the summer of 2014 I became disillusioned with work and felt that I needed something more in my life - but what?  A summer evening was spent sitting by the river in Guildford having a drink with a friend and the conversation turned to what I could do to relieve the tediousness that work and life was becoming.  Don't get me wrong, I love the work I do with children and their families but I knew something was missing from my life - but what was it?  

I had started volunteering with Frensham Pond Sailability during the summer of 2013 and I thoroughly enjoyed helping people to get out onto the water who might otherwise not be able to do so.  I was also Class Captain for the GP14 fleet, raced regularly, and had trained to be a Dinghy Instructor.  Sailing was becoming a much bigger part of my life.  I was getting a much better work:life balance and recognized that when I was out on the water or just down at FPSC that I felt better about life and myself. Maybe I could do something around sailing.

It wasn't until late November, after a tour round Windsor Castle with my university friend, Linda, that the idea of sailing in the Clipper 15-16 race was re-born.  We were sitting having tea in a small crooked tea house in the centre of Windsor when the talk went round to the 'mad idea' of sailing round the world.  One leg wasn't going to be enough of a challenge, it had to be the whole way.

The timing seemed right.  Tom and Rebecca would be 23 and 20 respectively, my mum is still in good health, I am still reasonably fit and healthy, and I will be 60 in July so what better way to celebrate.  Also having been 'institutionalized' as a child at boarding school and then uni, I felt the need to be back among other people - though maybe being cooped up with 22 others 24/7, on a boat with no escape, is a bit extreme!

I went home that afternoon and spent the evening looking up everything I could around Clipper Ventures before submitting my application form online.  By Monday I was on my way to Cardiff for an interview and to attend an information evening.  By the end of the week I had been accepted as a Round the Worlder (RTW) and I started to let work and friends know what I was up to.

Feelings were mixed - excitement at the prospect of doing the trip, feelings of 'what am I letting myself into', anxiety around leaving the family for a year, fear around potential sailing conditions in the Southern Ocean and North Pacific.  So much jumbled in my head.  But what has always been constant is the excitement of taking on this enormous challenge. Achieving something that not many other people can say they have done.  I have flown around the world at 35,000 ft and I now want to sail around at MSL.  I want to experience the enormity and power of the planet, and I feel that can only be done if I engage with what the world has to throw at me.  I have been down one of the deepest coal mines in the UK and seen enormous steel girders buckled like paper straws as they try and hold up the tunnels against the stresses and pressures of the earth.  It is now time to see what the oceans have to offer.

I know I will be scared, exhilarated, exhausted, bored, hot, cold, hungry, seasick, and anything else you can think of.  Getting on with 22 other people is going to be a challenge in itself but hopefully my counselling skills will come in good use as I try and encourage us all to build good, healthy relationships with each other.  I can see a book coming - 'Relationships at Sea' or something along those lines.  At any one time, with 22 people on a boat, 231 separate relationships will need to be managed - quite a challenge when our living conditions will be a boat sailing along at a 45 degree angle and everyone wet and cold.